no cake

So Im 21 now. Ive been taking antibiotics all week and I've only really had 1 drink. But tomorrow, assuming the health checks out ok, Im going to have some drinks with Michelle! Woohoo! Then on Saturday I'll be going out with Mark and whoever else decides to tag along, to go bar hopping. Uh, this entry is kind of pointless it seems. I come "here" almost every night and stare at the screen, waiting for inspiration or even just a simple motive to write, and it just doesn't happen. There is so much I could write, not that anything has really changed or progressed all that much, but there are things I could talk about... My birthday, Adam, etc. I mean, so many things. Mark possibly moving away in 6 months, and I'm not going with him. Michelle getting married next year. Me, I'm still right here, not moving forward, but, I suppose I'm at least not moving backward. I hope. And I'm just thinking... 21... I should be graduating college when I'm 21... Making my life plans. I just go back to the same thing always, don't I? Poor poor me. I hate my life. Blah Blah Blah. None of it gets me a fucking thing. I have so many little things I could and should be happy about. I mean, I AM happy about them, as they are occuring, as I think about them. The beautiful necklace that Mark bought me for my birthday, a blue saphire set in white gold, and even a tiny little diamond. I'm not really a big jewelry person, as far as expensive stuff goes, diamonds and gold generally just don't do it for me. But, I do like saphires, and it's not so flashy that I can't wear it with everyday type outfits. Its nice to have something, just a little token, of my best friend hanging around my neck at all times.

Adam's card said "Nothing as amazing as you has ever happened to me before. How did I get so lucky?"

I had lots and lots of great, fantastic, writhing on the bed, can't move afterward, tearing at the sheets sex today.

Nice things. But as I sit here and write this I feel ungrateful for them. Like being sad means that they aren't important to me. That Mark's necklace and great sex and going out on Saturday are nothing.

They are great. But, they are like icing on the cake, and there is no cake.

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