fuck 'em both

YOU MIGHT BE A DEMOCRAT IF...

You feel Fidelity means not cheating on your mistress.

You think that pornography degrades women, but find nothing wrong with a 50 year old president seducing a 21 year old intern.

You want to know why we don't offer schooling in prisons

You think those stupid ribbons actually accomplish something.

You tout the NAACP, but criticize anyone referring to a black man as a "colored person."

You feel that banning smoking in public indoor places limits your constitutional rights.

You honestly feel that alcoholics deserve social security disability benefits.

You've ever argued that with just one more year of welfare that person will turn it around and get off drugs.

You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.

After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed."

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You Might Be A Republican If...

You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their "minimum wage."

You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

You are anti-abortion, but support the death penalty.

The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.

You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."

You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."

You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

You've ever called education a luxury.

You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.

You're afraid of that crazy "liberal media."

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

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I don't often say anything here that puts this diary into any kind of perspective, related to the outside world. But years from now, I'd like to know what I was thinking about world events and compare them to how I may feel then. Hopefully the war will be over by then, but I won't hold out too much hope.

I'm not a democrat, nor a republican. I've never heard of a political party that suits me. In fact, I think the two things are self exclusive. I think it's a cop out for people to simply label themselves like that, rather than projecting the full spectrum of their thoughts and personality. Like religion, political parties limit. They place rules and guidlines and nice neat categories on human thought. In general, I can tolerate democrats more than republicans, but I believe that both are misguided. Unfortunately, our government is set up so that its virtually impossible to be elected to any position of substantial power without having a party affiliation. You also must have money, and a good speech writer. Apparently if your daddy was pres, you also have an advantage. Also, you don't have to get the most votes to be president.

It's OK to lie under oath, as long as it's about getting a blow job. It's OK to waste countless amounts of tax dollars on "rehabilitating" child molesters.

It's OK to sit idly by, letting a man across the world gas his own people, and stockpile weapons. (Hey, wasn't that Hitler? We already got rid of him, didn't we?) It's OK for a man who cannot even pronounce the word "NUCLEAR" to control the nuclear powers of the world.

Seriously, who the fuck am I supposed to vote for? Shit or Vomit? Cokroaches, or Rats? Rich, or... Rich? Ignorant, or Ignorant? I've yet to be able to bring myself to vote for the lesser of two evils.

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