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I'm really

honestly

dreading spending time with my best friend.

If I could somehow wreck Mark's plans. Destroy his relationship. Prevent him from leaving... Would I? Either answer is a knife through my heart.

Not that it matters since I have absolutely no say in the matter.

I'm easy to leave. I suppose that should come as no surprise to me.

Of course that doesn't give him much credit. I wouldn't love him as much as I do if he really didn't care one way or the other. He just hides it better, and has more to look forward to.

Every time I hang out with him lately, I cry afterwards. I spend the last hour or so very quiet. He keeps asking what's wrong and I want to yell "YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG" but I don't because I know for a fact I wouldn't even make it halfway through that without bursting into tears.

So I stay quiet, and I hold it in. And I know that he knows, somewhat. Knows that I am sad.

But really, he has no idea.

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