skinny dipping

I did something tonight that I really never thought I'd have the guts to do. I went skinny dipping... and no, not just with Adam, but with a whole group of people at a party for Drew's 21st.

Mark, J***, Kristy, Drew and plenty of people I don't even know. Sure, it was dark and I went into the shadows to undress and then jumped right in, but hey, I did it.

Thought a lot about the future tonight, I guess because things kept getting brought up at the party, about Drew going to NYC this summer for a couple months for a class, Mark and J*** moving there... And I just keep thinking about the actual possibility that things will work out for me, finally. I'm really trying to look at it this way... Unless I die, things HAVE to eventually change. Even if they never work out the way I WANT them to, they certainly can't stay the way they are now. And maybe, just MAYBE this IS my time for things to change. Almost anything would be better than this. I have a boyfriend who loves me, a couple of wonderful friends, but thats really about all I have going for me. I just worry that once Mark gets up there, understandably, he will have to do whats best for him in terms of making money, finding a place, etc... And I'm worried that somewhere in that process things will not work out for MY best interest... If it's just him and J*** in an apartment, I know that I'm welcome to come stay with them as long as I want... But if they end up with room mates, I just don't know how it will all work out. And of course there are a million different things that could happen and I can't allow myself to obsess over them. I just alternate between feeling like this is going to be the best thing that has ever happened to me, and feeling like this is going to be the WORST thing that's ever happened to me. And of course, if the rest of my life is any indication...

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