fight

We were supposed to spend the day together. Instead, I am at home, and he is... somewhere, and we are in the middle of a huge fight. Actually, it was nearing the end of the fight until his friend got pissed off and insisted that he take him somewhere (since he wasn't hanging out with him, but instead arguing with me on the phone) and so I'm pretty sure it's going to turn right back into a fight when he gets home and calls me back, because he's going to blame me, justly or no, for his friend leaving.

And I'm sitting here, mad at him and mad at myself, cause I KNEW this was going to happen. I don't know HOW really, I just did. All day at work today I was excited, couldn't wait to get off work to go hang out with him. But I didn't think about it in too much detail, cause I kept thinking, I bet something happens. Something will happen to prevent us from spending time together today.

And now here we are, and he's accused me of feeling like I should be the only thing is his life. (With the implication there that he is the only thing in MY Life? well, I guess I've told him that often enough) and I'm worried that he still feels that he can't be himself around me, and it's starting to piss me off that I bought him a FUCKING COMPUTER for his birthday.

He forgot that he was supposed to hang out with his friend who is in from out of town today. And last night, when I called him at 11 to say goodnight, he sounded a little irritated, but maybe he was just busy. But then he called me back at 1:30, all sweet and asking if I wanted to hang out today after work. And I was looking forward to it sooo much. Just to be able to spend as much time as we wanted together. And then he called me on my break to tell me that his friend might be there, but we were still going to hang out, and then when I got there, that changed. He was asking what I wanted to do (as in, go home, stay there, etc) and I got the distinct impression that he didn't want me there. And I certainly didn't want to be there if I wasn't wanted. I didn't know what had changed but something had. And I wanted him to SAY TO ME, that he still wanted me there. But he didn't. I told him it was up to him, and he opted to take me home. And I opted to jump out of the car and say "Thanks for the ride" rather than sit there and play kissy face.

And so here we are. And there are so many aspects to it, and the more I think about it, the more there are and the more upset I get.

I don't think I'm even really mad at him anymore, although maybe I should be, or would be normally. I don't know. I'm just worried and ready for it to be over.

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