drunk "T"

"T": hello friend

Me: lol

"T": <- is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy gone

"T": and then some, haah

"T": the alcohol has set in more and more as time hs pasdded

Me: ah, you didnt seem drunk on the phone

"T": yeh, I didn;t feel it then )didn;t hit me)...fee it now thugh

"T": woof

Me: woof?

"T": I wanna go to both concerts with you

"T": pout

"T": please

"T": please

"T": please

Me: im not going to pay to see that shit

Me: i need to be saving my money

"T": come on apes...I miss ya

"T": I know, they;re pathetic excues to spend time with ya...but when I think of concerts down here, you come to mind

"T": and I really really do miss ya

Me: so why do we have to go to a concert to spend time together?

"T": we don;'t...I'm just saying that anytime I think fo a concert that U mught want to attend, I only consider one perso tot go with

"T": that's you

Me: well thats very sweet but i dont want to go to these concerts

"T": but apes !!!!!!!!!

Me: you only want to spend time with me when you get in these "moods," the rest of the time i dont hear from you

"T": you really think that ?

"T": thats not true

Me: yes

"T": <- feels bad now

Me: "T" ive long ago accepted that our friendship is not what it used to be.. for whatever reason. im not attacking you

"T": well, things have happened that have changed the nature of our friendship

"T": it doesn;t mean that my feeling shave changed for you in any way

Me: maybe not, but the expression of the feelings HAS changed

Me: and im not saying its all you

"T": it just means that due to other circumstances, we're having to adjust our mode of operations

Me: we dont talk about things like we used to

Me: we dont talk about anything really

Me: we may say a few words, and thats it

Me: i have no real handle on what is going on in your life, how you feel, etc... and you dont have a handle on mine either

"T": true, ina lot of ways, we've drifted...but it still doesn't change how I feel about you

Me: it just seems a little insincere when the only time i hear about this, or even hear from you for that matter, is when you are drunk

Me: dont tell me how much you miss me and care about me, and then not call or write for another 2 or 3 months

"T": well, I'm sorry...I truly don;t mean to make it appear that way...and youi're right, that is a shitty pattern for me to follow

Me: im not asking for an apology, im not trying to attack or blame

Me: like i said, it goes both ways

"T": I shoud make more of an effort to see you, to talk to yuo...but honestly, liek you said it feels like it's b oth of us...I don;t know when is appropriate anymore, nor do I want to be the cause of (directly or inderectly) any problems)

Me: you use the "problems" things as an excuse. i have told you time and time ago that its not an issue, and that i will handle it

"T": <- is confused where he "fits"

Me: "T", i have to tell you honestly, right now... you dont fit

Me: when i think of what i will do with my weekend, i do not think of you

Me: i gave up on that a long time ago

"T": well, that's understoood, it's been a long time since we planned around each others schedules

Me: i dont expect you to plan around me.. thats not what i mean

"T": I know...but at one point we were such a part of eahc others lives, that we did that kind of stuff...

Me: i just mean, when i think of who i may hang out with, or what i may do, i dont think of you anymore, because there are so many times when you say "maybe we will..." do something, and then i never hear from you

"T": I agree

"T": it's not a bad thing too, just an extensio of where our lives have taken us

"T": but, that doesn't mean that I don;t miss ya

Me: i think you have just found your friends here, people that, for whatever reason, hold more of an interest and are worth more of your time

Me: im not angry

Me: i knew things would not be the same once you were married

"T": not more of an interest...I have no other aprils...if anything the friends I han around with now are justy more convenient

Me: its ok, im never the more convenient of anything

Me: its happened to me more times than i can remember

"T": well, maybe tonight is wrong for me to say...because you're right, I have a definite pattern of trying to expres myself to you when inebriated...

"T": but I do feel abd tha we're not as close...I do miss you...and I do think about you a lot...

"T": maybe, in lessons learned, I should do or say those thing smore often

"T": < an eye opener

Me: thats not even the point

"T": it is to me

Me: im not asking for you to tell me that you miss me all the time

Me: or that you care about me

Me: im not asking for anything

"T": no, that's not rhe pint that I'm trying to convey...

Me: im just saying, dont say one thing and do another

"T": I miss and feel for you almost everyday...you IM me at work...we excahnge 2-3 lines...

"T": I notice the distance...

"T": I notice the unease (which has never been teh case for us)...

"T": and it hurts...I never say it..

"T": but it does

"T": I miss our closeness, I miss our friendship, but I realize that at times and in certain situations, the closeness that we so easily obtain, causes problems

"T": so, it's a catch 22...

"T": shrug

Me: im sorry "T", i never thought that this friendship would end up the way so many of my others have. i dont know if its me, or you, or both, but maybe its just time we recognized that its not what it used to be and never will be

"T": my mnarriage is a big part of that, yes

"T": well, you can chose to accept what feels best but me, I see other things for us in the future

"T": nyways, I'm gong to bed

Me: goodnight

"T": apes...

"T": you've got me crying over here

Me: why?

"T": shrug, not the time to go into it

Me: what would be the time?

"T": we'll talk thisd weel

"T": week

Me: "T", im sorry. honestly, truly.

Me: i never meant to hurt you and i should have told you how i felt sooner

"T": I know honey, it's not you, iyt's not me, it's circumstance

"T": we'll talk about this durign the week

"T": <- wil write you and e-kail too

Me: im not sure that i have anything else to say, but ok

"T": ok

"T": goodnight

Me: goodnight

**********************

Im not sure why I chose to have this conversation with him while he was drunk. I dont think that he was so drunk that he didnt understand though. It was just time... If not time to end it, at least time to tell him the reality of the situation. I do care about him. But it would not be a good idea to express that to him too strongly right now.

:|cause|:|effect|: