good stuff for a change

So... I usually only come here when something bad has happened.

HA! I fooled you. Nothing bad has happened this time. Well at least nothing or the sort that usually sends me to my journal.

I feel like... internally I guess... my thoughts, my feelings, my love... things are going very well. Im seeing Mark a lot more often now, well, not that it�s all the TIME but it�s more than it used to be. And I actually feel connected to him, if not exactly in the way we used to be, at least it is at the same LEVEL as we used to be... if that makes sense... He actually called me tonight after we hung out with his boyfriend Jay and his friend Krista and our friend from HS named Drew... Anyway, he called me to talk about this little situation with Drew and Krista, ugh, its weird and it brought the whole night down and I don't even want to explain it, its stupid and boring really. But he wanted to talk about it and get my opinion on stuff I guess and of course he wanted to talk about the fact that Drew said "Mark, I need to talk to you" in this very meaningful way... and of course he holds out never ending hope that Drew is gay... jeez. Maybe he is. I would believe it at this point. He jokes about it all the time, which could mean either A) he isn't gay and is comfortable joking about it or B) he IS gay and is one of those people who hides the truth with joking.

I've been listening to this almost since Mark and I first became friends. I don't mean that to sound like "I am fed up with this" or anything like that. I don't mind talking to Mark about it or listening to him vent about it or anything like that. But I have become... a little numb to it I guess. Like nothing really surprises me or really makes me think about it anymore. There are only so many ways to analyze a hug or the tone of Drew�s voice as he says goodnight to Mark. Now, if Drew KISSES Mark, I will wake up a bit and think about it. Short of that, nothing is going to sway me one way or the other.

Ok I went off on a tangent there. Basically we talked about several things and it just felt... good. Good to know that when my phone rang 10 minutes after we had JUST seen each other, I KNEW it was going to be Mark. That's the way we used to be. That's the way we are becoming again. Steve messed a lot of that up for quite a while, and some other things messed it up at other times. But that's a whole different story....

Let�s see... Other things that are going well... Adam and I. Everything is really good right now, between us anyway. Our love. Our feelings for each other. I always come here and talk about the horrible things that happen, but really... there aren't that many. And things are HONESTLY getting better and better. I've never felt so comfortable with a human being before. The other day I farted in his bedroom HAHA! And I didn't even get embarrassed. I know that sounds silly, like it�s not a big thing... But... I think it means something.

The medicine...horrible. I only took it for maybe 3 days. But... Umm. I don't want to jinx it... I haven't been having the problem lately. For a couple of weeks actually... I'm gonna shut up now before it comes back...

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Its now about 40 minutes later. I just talked to Adam on the phone. I'm in one of those silly happy in love sort of moods. But I wont go on and on about it. Don't know what I would say really... He is sooo sweet. I told him I bought a new skirt and his whole mood changed. He was all happy and said he couldn't wait to see it on me. So silly. But it�s the little things... It means a lot to me when he says things like that.

There is a LOT more I could write but its getting late and my friend is trying to talk to me on the messenger.

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