no

I know now. I've known for a while now... how much something I did can hurt. Even if unintentionally. god... and he doesnt even know. i couldnt tell him. i felt like i didnt have the right. then i talked to him on the phone.. he was saying how he really thinks we can move in together soon. how can we move in together soon when you are counting up the days that you "have" to spend with me?? we cant hang out tonight, because we will be hanging out tomorrow night. 2 nights is too many? or is it 3? you want to make sure to hang out the night before you go out of town of course... so that means i cant have a little of your time tonight? god damn it. i feel no right. i feel no right. but i feel angry. and so, i might tell him no tomorrow night. is that spiteful? yeah. sort of it is. i dont want to be like that. maybe i wont want to do it tomorrow but right now i do. he is always the one that makes the decision of whether or not we will spend time together. i never say no, unless i already have other plans. he often says no, even if he does NOT have other plans. I never tell him no. never. i want to be with him. no no goodnight sweetie. not coming in ? no home no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no please

but i never say it. i dont want to beg and i dont want sympathy my head screaming no no no.

i love you too yeah see you tomorrow bye

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