our house

Of course I never truly doubt his love. Never. But I just get some damned insecure sometimes, and so lonely. It only takes a day of me being alone. I just can't take it. Im in so many directions that I dont even want to be in right now. But Ive got my constant.

I was thinking about telling him that I would like it if he would sometimes call me for no real reason. Just to say that he was thinking about me or that he missed me, like he used to do all the time. Then on Saturday he called in between his shifts, just to tell me that he loves me. He hasnt done anything like that in a while. I was out shopping with my mom and when I told him he kinda sounded dissapointed, like I couldnt talk or something. I told him I could and he was all happy. God... thats the way it used to be all the time. I used to feel like he worshipped me. But i havent lately, not really... Not that I need that kind of adulation. That whole concept sort of has a negative connotation. Like if you say that someone worships the ground that someone walks on, it sort of implies obsession or that the love is not returned fully, etc.

I feel worshipped. I certainly felt that way this weekend. I take back every little doubt that Ive been having. What makes it even better is that he did it all on his own. I never even mentioned to him that I was feeling insecure.

Not that he has ever treated me badly, I mean sure I get mad at him every now and then, but over all, he is the greatest boyfriend I could imagine. But this weekend he climbed that ladder from great boyfriend to "oh my god could he be any more perfect." I swear I think he was reading my mind at times. Every single time I thought to myself that I wished he would do something or say something, give me a hug, etc, he did. Amazing.

Whats this I feel? Its something akin to happiness. Ah... content.

Its getting to the point where it feels unnatural for us to part at night. For example, when he brings me home from work and isnt going to hang out because he is tired, it feels awkward for me to get out of the car and go inside without him. I dont get upset when he just goes home, the way I used to, but it just feels kinda like... "Hey, shouldnt we be sleeping in the same bed?"

The other day we were trying to plan something out and he said "Maybe we could ask Jason to come hang out at our house until..." then he stopped. I looked at him and grinned. "I just said 'our house' instead of my house, didnt I?"

"Yes, wouldnt that be neat?"

"Yeah, it sure would...."

Our house

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