what he did do

I have a site meter here for curiosities sake, but I don't think it's very accurate or reliable, so I've never paid much attention to it. For example it will say that someone spent 0 seconds on the page. Even if you clicked a link to the page, thought to yourself "this is the ugliest page ive ever seen" and promptly closed it, it would still be at least a second or two. Anyhow, I just checked it. 2 things, 1, I think I have perhaps a few more "regular" readers besides those who have me listed as a fav. Second, someone from the US government visted my page twice! Maybe I'm being monitored! WOO HOO! Fuck *YOU* if I am! Oh yeah, and I hate the president and and apple pie.

In more important news, I got my permit the day before yesterday. I didn't even have to take the test. Just applied for a renewal. It cost several times what I thought it would cost, but it's OK because its going to be an actual plastic "license" that will just have a restriction on it, when I'm ready, I go take the driving test and they print a new plastic one without the restriction, PLUS it's good for 6 years, just like a license. If I don't have a license in 6 years, I'm going to literally kill myself, so. Yeah. I've got that motivation! I did drive today. Around Mark's house first, and then from Mark's house to Drew's house to pick him up. I did drive one time in the past for about an hour maybe, but it ended horribly... And it was out in the boonies, with no cars and practically no stopping or turning. I did a lot of turning today, and even got a small taste of stop and go traffic since there was a train before we could cross to (Andy's town.) Plus there were some little kids playing in the the middle of the street right before his house, and I didn't kill them. So I think I did OK. I did mess up a few times but not terribly. The worst part was after sitting waiting for this fucking train to go for about 20 minutes, my light finally turned green and I proceeded into the intersection... Apparently the traffic waiting to go on the other side decided it was their turn. 2 cars pulled out into the intersection and then had to speed up a lot to get out of my way. Mark said "Watch out!" or something along those lines and I just about jumped out of the seat because I thought I had done something wrong and gone when I should't have. It wasn't my fault though! YAY!

Something I just thought of and want recorded here. The other day I went into my parents room to get a flashlight. After I was done with it I took it back in and as I was putting it back, I noticed that sort of wedged in between the wall and the table that the flashlight was on, was a game that I asked for for christmas, but didn't get. When I was telling my dad about it, I mentioned that our computer didn't have enough RAM for it, but that if we were to get more RAM in time (which we were planning on doing anyway) that I would like to have it. Well, the RAM thing drug on and on and we had a shitload of problems with it and didn't get it resolved until after Christmas. When I didn't get the game I assumed that was the reason. So, here I am looking at the game that I asked for but didn't get. Maybe they bought it and then realized the RAM issue wasn't working out, and decided to just take it back? I couldn't think of any other explanations that made any sense at all. So when my dad came home I said "Maybe I saw something I wasn't supposed to, but why did you buy the game I asked for and then not give it to me?" He looked at me funny for a second and then realized what I was talking about. He ran into the bedroom and got the game and gave it to me. He seemed EXTREMELY flustered about the whole thing. He said he had just forgotten about it, and didn't see it because it was stuck down behind the table. He kept apologizing over and over, and even came over and gave me a hug and said he was sorry. He seemed to think it was some huge thing to me, like my feelings were terribly hurt. I wasn't upset or hurt at all, but I swear it seemed like he was ready to cry. I've never seen guilt like that on his face. After the whole episode was over, I let a few tears slip. I think my dad has issues I never realized, probably about what he hasn't done and can't ever do for me. I blame my parents a whole lot for the shit that my life is, but in all honesty, my dad has always tried his best. Someday I hope I can get past all these things and tell him that it's ok, that I don't blame him, and not to feel guilty anymore. That I was able to be succesful and happy, not inspite of what he couldn't do for me, but because of what he DID do for me. Actually, I can't think of anything I look forward to more than that.

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