I'd like a lot of things

I'd like to be able to somehow know what to do. Just sometimes. I'd like to put my ability to understand people to good use. I'd like to be able to actually help someone I love. But I'm either not good enough, or happy enough myself maybe, to be able to do that. All I've got in me anymore is this brutal kind of honesty that comes from living in my head. It's like living behind a one way mirror. I can see everything just fine but I can't reach out and affect it. And no one sees me. One day I want to go out into the middle of a crowded street and cry, just to see if anyone would notice.

I'd like to be held in some regard. As some sort of important. I'd like to be remembered. I'd like to be important enough to try for. I'd rather honesty than a misguided emotional reprieve. I'd like to not be included in the term "I didn't feel like being with anyone." I'd settle for that being true.

I'd like to not be crying right now. I'd like to have not been lonely all day.

I'd like to think this is the last time I will feel like this much of nothing.

I'd like a hug or a kind word.

:|cause|:|effect|: