Sex and Taxes. YEAH

I've got both of my W2's now, as well as my filing booklet thingie. Theoretically, I could file and arrange for the refund I know I will be getting. It won't be much, but it will be basically all, if not all, that I paid in. I just don't want to look at my W2 from the restaurant. I don't even want to think about money. I don't want to fucking worry anymore. The money I'll be getting back is great, unfortunatly, it's not really enough to matter. Then again, when I look at the total amount earned for 2002, I think... Well, it's not a lot, but certainly, I should have more to show for it than...well, nothing.

Mark's been gone to a dance competition. Took me most of the week to fucking realize it, even though I'm pretty sure he told me last friday. I called him and got his voicemail, and never heard back from him. Then on thursday, I believe, I realized why. He'll be back late tomorrow or early monday I suspect, and then hopefully, er, something, it'll be back to driving. Of course I'm back to being pretty well terrified of it.

Sometimes I wish I could sort of skip ahead maybe 5 years or so, and take a look around. Not really actually skip 5 years of my life, but just get a glimpse of where I'll be. If I could know for sure that in 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, I would be happier than I am now, it would give me so much hope. I could live with the waiting. I could live with being unhappy now if I just knew for sure that one day my life will fucking straighten out.

I stayed over at Adam's house last night. We rented Tadpole which was sort of funny, but unfortunatly, I thought it was going to be REALLY funny, so I was sort of dissapointed. I ate fudge covered graham... grahm... uh. Crackers. Yeah. You know what I mean. And drank citrus cooler gatorade. Adam had crackers of the non fudge covered variety, and Easy Cheese. Apparently the Easy Cheese had a bit of gas, and it sort of exploded a blast of air onto one of the crackers, making a loud sound and breaking the cracker in half. I jumped.

After the movie, I gave him a back rub, which of course led to all sorts of sex. Woah. Wow. The kind the makes your knees wobbly afterward. I was so exhausted, I didn't even take the customary post-sex bath. Just rinsed off and collapsed. I also realized that I say "yeah" a whole lot during sex. As in, over and over again. I have no idea why. I imagine that I sound like an idiot. Adam's always wanting me to talk during sex, which I can't seem to manage, but I sure as hell manage to say "yeah" enough times. I don't think that counts.

It got up to about 80 today. What the hell. Even now, it's only down to 53. It's supposed to be warm again tomorrow. I'd like to go out and do something while it's warm, but I don't know what. When I was a kid I spent hours and hours outside everyday and I have no idea what the hell I was doing. Digging up worms and looking for lizards and snakes and whatever else I could find I suppose. Running up and down the sidewalk and hanging out with the kid next door. I wish it were that easy still.

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