Justin's invite

I got a very, very interesting offer yesterday. Justin (jwinokur, link to his diary from my profile if you care)invited me to visit him and his girlfriend in SF. I've never been to California. I want to go, very badly. All I have to do is get there. He says he will pay for all my other expenses and I can stay at his house. It's been a whirlwind sort of friendship. We've known each other for less than 2 weeks, spoken online several times and on the phone twice. I've never spoken to his girlfriend, but she is an incredible person, based on what I've heard from Justin and what I've read about her on his diary, and in hers. There's this amazing connection between us. And I'm incredibly touched by his offer. He makes decent money it seems, working as an engineer or some such for that computer company. You know, the one with the Apple logo. At the world HQ. Cool. I think I'll paste our conversation here.

Oh yeah, and I also talk about something that I dont tell many people. Hardly anyone at all actually. I've always meant to get around to it here, it's just never happened. Anyway, I think the conversation speaks for itself.

Me (3:36:36 PM): hi!

Justin (3:36:47 PM): He slut!

Justin (3:36:54 PM): You better have more pics for me.

Me (3:37:05 PM): haha, is that a new super hero? he-slut?

Justin (3:37:37 PM): hey slut

Justin (3:37:40 PM): punk

Justin (3:37:42 PM): making fun of me

Me (3:37:51 PM): but it was funny!

Me (3:37:53 PM): he-slut!

Justin (3:38:00 PM): true, true

Me (3:38:00 PM): i want to make an action figure!

Me (3:39:33 PM): i dont have more pics of myself, but im sure i have something i can send. you seem to be dissapointed when im not in the picture though

Justin (3:40:17 PM): Yeah. I don't care about anything but you!

Me (3:41:17 PM): he! yeah. well, i wanted to take great pictures to send to you of the things i did this weekend. then, my weekend was kind of dumb. so i didnt have many oppurtunities for good pictures

Me (3:59:32 PM): ok i just sent you some random pictures

Justin (4:00:46 PM): When you talk

Justin (4:00:50 PM): all I really think of is this:

Justin (4:00:51 PM):(he sends me a picture of a ceramic bunny in what I'm sure the manufacturer thought was a cute innocent pose. the bunny is laying on its back with its legs up in the air, spread, and is srot of holding them)

Justin (4:00:55 PM): that is how I think of you

Me (4:01:10 PM): lol, why?

Justin (4:01:29 PM): hehehe

Justin (4:01:30 PM): just kidding

Me (4:01:53 PM): are you busy?

Justin (4:03:13 PM): at work? Kinda...why do you ask? Are you hitting on me?

Me (4:03:41 PM): yes. i was going to tell you to come over and i would do the bunny.

Me (4:03:46 PM): but you are too busy

Justin (4:05:57 PM): Wait

Justin (4:06:00 PM): so are you hitting on me or not?

Me (4:06:22 PM): of course! why else would i be talking to you?

Justin (4:07:02 PM): THANK GOD

Justin (4:07:07 PM): ok, just making sure

Justin (4:07:17 PM): because if you are only talking to me for my mind then I am OUTTA HERE

Justin (4:07:17 PM): hehehe

Me (4:07:36 PM): oh, i understand, completely

Me (4:08:31 PM): whats with the question marks in your entries?

Justin (4:08:45 PM): Damn it

Justin (4:08:49 PM): I thought I fixed that

Justin (4:08:51 PM): what URL?

Me (4:08:54 PM): hang on

Justin (4:09:00 PM): Dude, how come all gay guys do the drag thing?

Me (4:09:39 PM): they dont all do it. im actually not sure why mark was dressed like that. but i know he ended up naked in the shower with a few other guys, and i got pictures, so woo!

Me (4:09:54 PM): your latest entry has them

Justin (4:10:10 PM): Ok, let me fix that

Me (4:10:23 PM): the one before that used to have them, but you seem to have fixed it

Justin (4:11:00 PM): yeah

Justin (4:11:05 PM): I fixed it now

Justin (4:11:18 PM): thanks for finding that!

Me (4:11:58 PM): at first i thought you were just being silly but then it got to the point of annoying and pointless. and i thought, you know, if theres ONE THING that justin is not, oh wait. TWO things that justin is not, then they are annoying and pointless

Justin (4:12:13 PM): wow, thank you

Me (4:12:56 PM): no problem. now roll over like a bunny

Justin (4:13:17 PM): Damn it. You are flirting with me!

Justin (4:13:21 PM): I LOVE IT

Me (4:13:36 PM): you are in a strange mod

Me (4:13:38 PM): mood

Justin (4:14:02 PM): Yeah

Justin (4:14:04 PM): hehehe

Me (4:15:43 PM): are they making such a huge deal out of every piece of debris found from the space shuttle EVERYWHERE or is it just here because its all being FOUND here?

Justin (4:16:59 PM): Just the ones found inside your body

Me (4:17:05 PM): oooh

Me (4:17:27 PM): what is going on with you? are you sleep deprived?

Justin (4:17:41 PM): No, just being belligerent

Me (4:18:12 PM): ok fine

Justin (4:18:23 PM): Why, what would you prefer?

Me (4:18:36 PM): i cant tell you

Justin (4:18:44 PM): ooooh!

Justin (4:18:47 PM): TELL TELL TELL TELL!

Me (4:18:57 PM): nope

Justin (4:19:11 PM): DuDE

Justin (4:19:13 PM): not fair

Me (4:19:37 PM): see, i can be billigerent too

Justin (4:19:57 PM): YOU PUNK

Me (4:20:09 PM): what time do you get off work?

Justin (4:20:30 PM): today at 5PM

Justin (4:20:55 PM): why do you ask? Are you going to call and breathe heavy on the phone?

Me (4:21:25 PM): i was going to call and roll over to the bunny position and masturbate. but youve ruined for me now

Justin (4:21:49 PM): I did? Can you tell me how I ruined it so I know what NOt to do in the future?

Me (4:22:03 PM): i cant tell you

Me (4:22:18 PM): you're probably lucky that you ruined it though

Justin (4:22:31 PM): You can't tell me?

Justin (4:22:41 PM): jesus h christ!

Me (4:22:56 PM): eh?

Justin (4:23:53 PM): tell me tell me!

Me (4:23:53 PM): ill be back in a few minutes

Justin (4:24:02 PM): tease

Justin (4:24:13 PM): punk

Me (4:27:23 PM): ok im back

Justin (4:28:33 PM): You are being ornery today

Me (4:28:39 PM): so are you!

Justin (4:28:42 PM): don't make me come over there, sweets

Justin (4:28:46 PM): NO YOU

Me (4:29:02 PM): haha! what are you going to do if you come over here?

Justin (4:29:53 PM): Uh. Um. Probably flirt with you and make you go on adventures with me and introduce me to your friends.

Me (4:30:08 PM): hmm. thats not so bad. come on over

Me (4:30:23 PM): although you probably wont like texas much

Justin (4:30:33 PM): DUDE I love texas!

Me (4:30:42 PM): you do?

Justin (4:30:48 PM): I DO!

Me (4:31:14 PM): why?

Justin (4:32:26 PM): It is hot and beautiful there

Justin (4:32:34 PM): and the girls are just FINE 9000

Justin (4:32:41 PM): and the food is GREAT

Me (4:33:00 PM): haha

Me (4:33:16 PM): what kind of girls are you attracted to? is andie your normal "type?"

Justin (4:33:21 PM): I like short hair

Justin (4:33:35 PM): and I like girls who are sort of punky and I am really into intelligence

Justin (4:33:39 PM): and EASY women

Me (4:33:42 PM): lol

Justin (4:33:50 PM): I like my women trashy

Me (4:34:02 PM): reminds me of that stupid song

Justin (4:34:22 PM): ?

Me (4:34:32 PM): I like my women just a little on the trashy side

Me (4:34:45 PM): when they wear their clothes too tight and their hair is dyed

Me (4:34:52 PM): i dont remember the rest

Me (4:35:01 PM): its a horrid country song

Justin (4:35:09 PM): I think I just like people who are easy and slutty, like me.

Me (4:35:34 PM): he-slut!

Me (4:35:54 PM): i think you keep calling me a slut because you want me to be one

Justin (4:36:03 PM): What sort of guys are you into?

Me (4:36:32 PM): if history is any indication, im into the ones that dont give a shit about me

Justin (4:36:58 PM): Oh? Explain.

Me (4:37:14 PM): oh its the typical sob story

Me (4:37:24 PM): but adam is great, so i guess im past that phase

Me (4:38:21 PM): as far as physical attraction only, i like guys with dark hair, blue eyes, and any sort of subculture type look. as dumb as that sounds. as long as they arent dressed like abercrombie models

Justin (4:42:41 PM): What about being easy, though?

Me (4:43:07 PM): easy isnt nearly as important as passionate

Justin (4:43:23 PM): In the perfect world the two are married

Justin (4:43:30 PM): and inseperable

Me (4:43:32 PM): yeah

Me (4:44:10 PM): i spent a good portion of my "dating career" (such as it is) being totally afraid of sex

Me (4:44:32 PM): so i dont think i developed very strong opinions about the way i wanted things until recently

Justin (4:44:51 PM): Yes, most young women do. Why were you like that?

Me (4:45:08 PM): because i was ashamed of my body

Justin (4:45:13 PM): Why?

Me (4:45:23 PM): well

Justin (4:45:41 PM): What is "wrong" with it?

Me (4:46:13 PM): ill tell you. but you have to understand that as inconsequential as it may seem to some people, it was and is a big deal to me. so its not something you can joke about. you can talk about it or ask about it but no jokes.

Me (4:46:15 PM): deal?

Justin (4:46:29 PM): deal.

Me (4:46:32 PM): ok

Me (4:46:45 PM): one of my breasts is waaay bigger than the other

Justin (4:46:59 PM): how many cups?

Justin (4:47:05 PM): (difference)

Me (4:47:28 PM): one is on the borderline of being an actual A and the other is a large b

Justin (4:47:44 PM): wait, so is one a small a and one is a large b?

Me (4:47:51 PM): yeah

Justin (4:48:06 PM): I had a GF like that...

Justin (4:48:25 PM): Does anyone notice and say anything, or is it just the sort of thing that you notice?

Me (4:48:43 PM): they're different in size and also very different in shape. well i dont let people notice

Me (4:49:04 PM): for a while the difference wasnt that big, and i didnt even wear a bra because i didnt need one

Justin (4:49:25 PM): Did something change?

Me (4:49:26 PM): then mark noticed and it got way worse over the span of a summer

Me (4:49:38 PM): so i figured it was time to start hiding it

Me (4:49:55 PM): which ive been doing succesfully for about 4 years

Justin (4:50:03 PM): But what about naked?

Me (4:50:21 PM): well the select few people who have seen me topless or nude know, of course

Justin (4:50:40 PM): have any of them said anything without being led into saying anything?

Me (4:50:45 PM): not even michelle knows, at least, if she does, shes never said anything

Justin (4:51:22 PM): So, let me tell you something. Every woman's breasts are different sizes. I've seen them all, sweets.

Me (4:51:22 PM): just mark. everyone else, ive told them ahead of time

Justin (4:51:30 PM): And many are different shapes.

Justin (4:51:38 PM): And if you didn't TELL THEM, they might not ever notice.

Me (4:51:42 PM): i know that almost everyones are slightly different

Justin (4:51:54 PM): No, they can be very different. (As you know)

Me (4:52:04 PM): but this is to the point that if i wear a bra that i dont "fix up", it is very visable

Justin (4:52:20 PM): It's your body. You gotta love it. It's you.

Justin (4:52:31 PM): If you love, so will your friends and lovers. They follow your lead.

Me (4:52:50 PM): ive come to terms with it as much as i feel like i can. its not a huge thing anymore

Me (4:53:24 PM): it used to be though. and the first person who ever actually saw didnt help much

Justin (4:53:48 PM): they made a big deal?

Me (4:53:57 PM): well

Me (4:54:07 PM): ill give you the short version

Me (4:54:18 PM): i was young and hadnt done much beyond kissing.

Me (4:54:30 PM): guys never paid any attention to me

Me (4:54:40 PM): i was working at (theme park)

Me (4:54:44 PM): with mark

Me (4:54:55 PM): i met a guy who paid a lot of attention to me

Justin (4:55:02 PM): Losers. They don't realize that the trashy look is HOT. Anyway...continue...

Justin (4:55:16 PM): I think you are cute in the way that I want to just corrupt and break.

Me (4:55:23 PM): you sayin' i look trashy??

Justin (4:55:31 PM): yeah, it's really sexy

Me (4:55:49 PM): :-O

Me (4:56:08 PM): anyway

Me (4:56:26 PM): so we went out after work a few times. and by went out i mean, made out in his car

Me (4:57:06 PM): when it came time for the clothes to come off, i stopped him and told him straight to his face

Me (4:57:19 PM): he just kind of looked at me funny

Me (4:57:30 PM): he said something like "i dont care"

Me (4:58:09 PM): but when he actually saw, he did seem to care. he suddenly remembered something he had to go home and do

Me (4:58:32 PM): and then the next day, he purposely requested to work away from me

Justin (4:58:58 PM): My god. You're kidding, right? This is insane.

Me (4:59:00 PM): i walked to where he was on my break and tried to talk to him and he acted like i wasnt there

Me (4:59:28 PM): he had this little smug smile on his face and i felt like the most digusting person ever

Me (4:59:42 PM): he never spoke to me again

Justin (4:59:42 PM): Dude, that guy sucks! What an insensitive human. This is terrible.

Justin (4:59:50 PM): Probably better.

Me (5:00:54 PM): i suppose

Justin (5:01:57 PM): That is the sign of an unhappy and insecure person anyway.

Justin (5:02:03 PM): You don't need that in your life.

Me (5:02:20 PM): its so stupid of me to let someone like that affect my life and the way i see myself. but at the time, it was my worst nightmare coming true

Me (5:02:41 PM): i had spent several years trying to convince myself that it wasnt a big deal and that surely no guy would actually care

Me (5:02:53 PM): and the first time i actually took that chance... bam

Me (5:03:27 PM): i didnt even LOOK at guys for about a year after that

Justin (5:03:40 PM): I hope you come to realize that if that is a big deal to someone than that person is likely not good company.

Justin (5:04:10 PM): I was going to say something trashy and flirty, but I am trying to prevent myself.......nnnnnnnggghhh

Me (5:04:14 PM): i do realize that. but its easy to say it and know it. its a lot harder to feel it

Me (5:04:27 PM): lol, why are you trying to prevent yourself?

Justin (5:04:48 PM): hehe

Justin (5:04:52 PM): I was going to say:

Justin (5:04:53 PM): If I was dating you, I would never say anything about your breasts. Of course that is because you would be too busy face down on the bed at all times, and there would be no time for talking. Fnd yourself a lover like that and you're golden.

Justin (5:05:00 PM): hehehe

Justin (5:05:12 PM): Damn it! I am being so belligerent today!

Justin (5:05:16 PM): Somebody stop me!

Me (5:05:21 PM): face down?

Me (5:05:26 PM): why face down?

Justin (5:05:27 PM): Yeah

Justin (5:05:48 PM): You know, from behind, jammed into the bed

Me (5:05:53 PM): lol

Me (5:07:28 PM): are you BELLIGERENT or are you HORNY?

Justin (5:08:18 PM): for me, the two can not be seperated

Justin (5:08:30 PM): Horny is sort of HOW I be belligerent often

Me (5:08:46 PM): i see

Me (5:09:41 PM): im so sick of texas

Justin (5:09:49 PM): I am checking out my old high school friend's wedding pics...people are so weird dude. Getting married...ech.

Justin (5:09:51 PM): Why?

Me (5:10:08 PM): i dont know. maybe because ive been here for 21 years

Me (5:10:42 PM): im sick of the hick accents and the cowboy hats and the everythings bigger jokes and the southern baptists

Justin (5:12:38 PM): Makes sense

Justin (5:12:39 PM): hey

Justin (5:12:46 PM): I really appreciate how open you have been with me

Justin (5:12:57 PM): it means a lot to me that you take the chance and trust me

Justin (5:13:00 PM): I thought you should know

Me (5:13:06 PM): no problem. there arent many people who would listen

Justin (5:14:40 PM): whoa, are you serious?

Me (5:14:50 PM): what do you mean?

Justin (5:14:59 PM): nobody who would listen

Me (5:15:16 PM): not nobody. but not very many.

Me (5:15:30 PM): i dont meet many people who seem to understand or care at all

Justin (5:18:18 PM): you need to meet new people

Justin (5:18:24 PM): maybe you should come and visit us?

Me (5:19:02 PM): the people that i know are great. but i think ive found the maybe 10 great people who are within a 200 mile radius.

Me (5:19:43 PM): i cant afford a trip to california, but thanks very much for the offer. maybe some day

Justin (5:25:12 PM): You could get here for $250 round trip

Justin (5:25:16 PM): I just checked

Justin (5:25:20 PM): so save your money

Me (5:25:50 PM): the problem with saving money is that you have to have some of it coming in. and once i was there, i would need even more money

Justin (5:26:21 PM): No, we would pay for you and everything you did

Me (5:26:43 PM): but... why?

Justin (5:27:48 PM): Dude, it would be fun. That's why!

Justin (5:27:54 PM): That's what kind of people we are.

Me (5:28:11 PM): you keep saying we. you mean you and andie, right?

Justin (5:28:37 PM): yeah

Justin (5:28:40 PM): Well

Justin (5:28:42 PM): probably more like me

Justin (5:28:46 PM): I would take care of you

Me (5:28:48 PM): andie doesnt even know me

Justin (5:28:50 PM): Andie is always broke

Me (5:28:50 PM): lol

Justin (5:28:52 PM): yeah

Justin (5:28:53 PM): exactly

Me (5:29:14 PM): you 2 keep your finances completely seperate?

Me (5:29:21 PM): sorry. thats nosy

Me (5:29:26 PM): it doesnt matter

Justin (5:29:36 PM): Yeah. we do

Justin (5:29:40 PM): she is always broke

Me (5:29:41 PM): but i would think she might feel weird about someone shes never heard of staying with her

Justin (5:30:01 PM): Oh, I have told her about you

Me (5:30:10 PM): oh?

Justin (5:30:22 PM): It's not a big deal...friends are cool to have, you know?

Me (5:30:31 PM): yeah

Justin (5:30:54 PM): I mean, is there a reason for it to be a big deal or bad idea in your mind? Explain.

Me (5:31:20 PM): it... what is it exactly? telling andie about me? coming to california?

Justin (5:31:25 PM): either

Me (5:31:52 PM): well, i guess going to california would be a big deal, just because, you know, its going to california

Justin (5:31:59 PM): nah

Justin (5:32:05 PM): people do it all the time, slutty

Me (5:32:22 PM): but no there isnt a reason you shouldnt tell andie about me. unless she has some irrational hatred toward texans or something

Me (5:32:58 PM): yeah i know. ive never gone anywhere by myself. but thats not the point. the money is the point. $250 is a good deal but i just dont have it

Justin (5:33:08 PM): She met me in Austin and is in love with the whole area

Justin (5:33:12 PM): we love texas

Justin (5:33:17 PM): it's romantic to us

Me (5:33:27 PM): austin is like a different state

Justin (5:33:37 PM): Don't you live near Austin?

Me (5:33:37 PM): ive been all over texas and none of it is anything like austin

Me (5:33:41 PM): nope

Justin (5:33:45 PM): Or do you live near Fort Worth?

Me (5:33:46 PM): i live in dfw

Justin (5:33:53 PM): That's what I thought

Me (5:34:14 PM): bout 2-3 hours away from austin

Me (5:34:40 PM): which is relatively close, i mean, compared to say, canada

Justin (5:34:54 PM): yeah

Justin (5:35:09 PM): Texas is better than canada

Me (5:35:20 PM): but not so close as to be included in the smog and hick infested area that is the METROPLEX

Justin (5:35:32 PM): ???

Me (5:35:32 PM): nah, they give you free birth control pills in canada!

Justin (5:35:36 PM): whoa

Me (5:35:43 PM): whoa what

Justin (5:36:01 PM): maybe if you could keep your LEGS CLOSED for more than 20 seconds you wouldn't need so many birth control pills!

Me (5:36:09 PM): ha!

Me (5:36:22 PM): thats a strong statement coming from he-slut

Justin (5:37:01 PM): "whatever do you mean?"

Me (5:37:26 PM): he! if i come to california, can we go to LA? oh wait, you have to fly to la from SF

Justin (5:38:29 PM): I live far from LA

Justin (5:38:32 PM): but I am there a LOT

Me (5:39:04 PM): you fly there though, right?

Justin (5:39:50 PM): Driving there is a pain

Justin (5:39:52 PM): it is like 7 hours

Me (5:39:56 PM): eeew

Justin (5:39:58 PM): we usually fly if we can afford it

Me (5:40:09 PM): where do you actually live?

Me (5:40:16 PM): cupertino right?

Justin (5:40:16 PM): I make OK money so I am usally ok with the flight

Justin (5:40:27 PM): I live in San Francisco but work in Cupertino

Me (5:40:31 PM): oh ok

Justin (5:40:37 PM): I live RIGHT on the beach in SF

Me (5:40:59 PM): its cold a yucky there right?

Me (5:41:01 PM): and

Justin (5:41:16 PM): yeah, it's weak

Me (5:41:26 PM): is it cold there even in the summer?

Justin (5:42:02 PM): The summer is the WORST time, actually

Justin (5:42:05 PM): nutty, huh?

Me (5:42:12 PM): worst as in coldest?

Justin (5:42:27 PM): yes

Me (5:42:33 PM): how is that possible?

Justin (5:42:39 PM): the weather in SF is best in Sept-Jan

Justin (5:42:45 PM): I dunno, it is just weird that way

Me (5:42:56 PM): how cold are we talking?

Justin (5:43:09 PM): Oh, well it never freezes

Justin (5:43:17 PM): but you would want to wear a heavy jacket

Me (5:43:24 PM): in the SUMMER?

Justin (5:43:29 PM): yeah

Me (5:43:47 PM): what kind of weird alternate universe are you stuck in??

Justin (5:43:53 PM): People always wear wool hats in SF, almost all year

Justin (5:43:57 PM): one that is fucking COLD and WEAK

Me (5:44:50 PM): i hate cold

Me (5:45:06 PM): if its below 60 i start crying

Justin (5:45:45 PM): If it's below 60 I start to ass rape retarded boy scouts while giving puppies lethal injections

Me (5:45:54 PM): hmm

Me (5:46:02 PM): well im glad im not a boy scout or a puppy

Me (5:46:14 PM): i should probably go now

Justin (5:46:26 PM): :-(

Justin (5:46:28 PM): weak

Me (5:46:31 PM): ive been on line all day

Justin (5:46:37 PM): I have really enjoyed talking with you

Me (5:46:41 PM): i have to, you know, walk around and stuff

Me (5:46:43 PM): me too

Justin (5:46:47 PM): thanks for spending your time with me

Justin (5:46:50 PM): I appreciate it

Me (5:47:05 PM): thanks for the offer... ill give it some serious thought

Justin (5:47:18 PM): excellent!

Justin (5:47:22 PM): send me more pics!

Justin (5:47:24 PM): take some now!

Me (5:47:27 PM): you should call me!

Justin (5:47:38 PM): I will see how my evening pans out

Justin (5:47:44 PM): I really like talking with you on the phone

Justin (5:47:51 PM): you are a really good conversationalist

Justin (5:48:08 PM): it's probably very easy to develop a crush on you

Me (5:48:38 PM): lol

Me (5:49:03 PM): i dont know about that. i think thats the he-slut talking

Justin (5:49:08 PM): no

Justin (5:49:10 PM): it's not

Justin (5:49:16 PM): it's more of an intellectual thing

Justin (5:49:18 PM): actually

Me (5:49:28 PM): ok... if you say so...

Justin (5:49:47 PM): You were one of the most smart new people I have met in a long time. I was really impressed.

Me (5:50:06 PM): aww, well thanks

Me (5:50:16 PM): you are one of the most slutty people i have met!

Me (5:50:19 PM): ha!

Justin (5:50:30 PM): dude

Justin (5:50:33 PM): you have no idea!

Me (5:50:40 PM): seriously though, you are one of the most passionate people ive ever met

Justin (5:50:51 PM): Wow, what a compliment!

Me (5:51:27 PM): most people just dont think about things the way you do

Justin (5:53:52 PM): That's cuz they are not slutty enough

Me (5:53:57 PM): probably

Me (5:54:01 PM): ok, i go now

Me (5:54:06 PM): bye!

Justin (5:55:28 PM): bye!

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