misplaced life

Well a couple hours after I posted that last one, I found out why T hadn't been on his messenger from work, to discuss the rest of the ticket details and exchange money... He called, I answered and said "What the hell are you doing up so late?"

"Having a baby!"

LOL. Yeah right. His WIFE had a baby. Now he HAS a baby but he didn't HAVE a baby. You know? Anyway.

I was amazed that he even thought to call me and let me know what was up with the tickets. I mean, it wouldn't have surprised me if he had been calling just to tell me that the baby (boy) was born, but the purpose of the call seemed to be to discuss the tickets.

You know, this is the third entry where all I've really talked about is the tickets to this damn concert. And its not even until June.

I think I'm just not in the mood to do the sad type entries, even though there is plenty of material there for one. So much, in fact, that I spent an hour and a half crying on the phone with Adam last night. I don't think I said more than 3 words at a time, just cried and listened to him try to think of something to cheer me up.

I feel kind of bad that I can't be happy, not only for myself, but for anyone else. Other people being happy just reminds me of my own lack of happiness. Last time I hung out with Mark, I hardly talked at all. I didn't even look forward to hanging out with him. I did it under some (probably) misguided sense of obligation. He's so damn busy all the time, and a lot of conversation between us, logically, revolves around his muliple jobs, his school, how incredibly busy he is, etc. Sometimes, if he starts to complain about something, maybe not getting enough sleep or not having time to do this or that, I'll have to catch myself from snapping something at him like "Well, I'll trade places with you."

Oh yeah, and then there are the times when he says something about not being happy with where he is, he wants to do this and that, and he isn't, etc. The this and that is always something bordering on ridiculous. I mean, he is EXTREMELY talented, but seriously, he hasn't even ATTEMPTED to make a move in the remote direction of these things. Hmm, sounds familiar... The thing is, though, he is still doing basically what he's always wanted to do. Jobs seem to fall into his lap. He'll finish one contract and dispair for a week or so about where the next will come from, but one always does come.

And he's supposedly moving to NYC this summer with his boyfriend. I always thought the first time he went to NYC, I would be with him. Nah, I'll be right here, wondering where the hell I could have misplaced my life.

:|cause|:|effect|: