really bad night

Last night was one of the worst nights of my life.

The short version: Mark shows up at my house at about 6:30. We hmm around trying to decide what exactly to do. I tell him that I would rather either A)hang out just the tow of us and go drinking or something or B) hang out with multiple people. Either of these things as opposed to C) hanging out me, him, and his boyfriend. This has been happening a lot lately, and while I normally don't mind, it does get kind of old being the third wheel. Plus, his boyfriend is only 18, so he can't drink, and we are limited to going places that are 18+

So he starts calling around trying to get some other people to go with us, because apparently he already told JP (the boyfriend) that he could go with us. He couldn't find anyone.

We decide that, regardless of who exactly is going, we ARE going somewhere, so I round up some clothes and we head to his house. As we arrive, his cell phone rings. We walk into the door, I start to go upstairs. His mom is sitting in the living room watching a movie. I say hi to her. She says hi. She asks how I am doing. I give the obligatory and patently fasle "Im doing OK" and continue up the stairs. She says "Are you working?" I pretend not to hear her. She says "HEY! Are you working?" I mumble no and continue up the stairs. She says "Are you going to school?" I say no.

I don't think I even have to explain what was going on in my head here.

Mark was still downstairs talking on his cell phone. I went into the bathroom and tried to pull it together enough not to cry. I seemed to be managing. I walked into his bedroom and collapsed on the bed, and I couldn't hold it anymore. All I fucking wanted was a fun night out. A few hours to forget how much I suck. A few minutes later Mark came into the room. He knew I was upset, he knew I was even before he walked in because he did hear what his mom asked me. I was laying face down on his bed, feeling that weird sort of shame that comes with crying. He said "Are you tired?" I shook my head no. He said "Is it my mom?" I nodded my head yes. We talked, well, he talked. Everytime I started to talk I just cried harder. I said "I don't know if people are just oblivious, or if they do it on purpose." He said "im pretty sure they are just oblivious" I said "I don't know how they can be, but they are. They are totally oblivious to the fact that anyone other than themselves have feelings. And the longer my life is like this, the more I lose faith in people." We talked a bit about going driving some more, he made some excuses about being busy, and his tail light being out. It's all true of course, but honestly, it doesn't quite make me feel better.

It's now several hours after I started this entry. I've been distracted by numerous things in the meantime. I guess it's good, because when I do these entries I tend to relive the feelings and get all worked up all over again.

So, Mark and I talked for a while, I stopped crying and started pulling myself together... His twin sister came home and started yelling up the stairs that she got a NEW CAR and come down stairs hurry up! Just what I need. This girl hardly graduated high school, is a drug head, drinks all the fucking time, and she gets a brand new car. Makes me feel reeeeeeeal good. I guess it should give me hope, because if SHE can do it...

But no. It just makes me feel worse. So I have to go downstairs and go ride around in her new car and halfheartedly act like I am excited about it.

Meanwhile, we've been waiting to hear from JP again, and anyone else who might be going with us... We arrive back at Mark's house, and he takes off to the other room to talk to JP. When he comes back he says that JP is just going to go do something else because he doesn't want to ruin our night, since we couldn't find anyone else to go with us. So then I felt guilty, of course, because I was the one who made a big deal out of it in the beginning.

We were sitting in his living room discussing this. His mom was in the kitchen making a sandwhich. I said something like "I feel like it's my fault" (that JP isn't going) Mark's mom says loudly, across the house, "What's your fault?" I said "Nothing" Hoping she would get the point that it was none of her fucking business. I suppose we were talking rather quietly, and the TV was on, but we weren't whispering or anything. We continued our conversation. Again she interupted with some nosey question. I held up my finger, the "wait a minute" sign and shot her a look. Mark said "Mom, you sure are nosey tonight" She said something about it not being nice to keep secrets. He said something about it not being nice sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong, and she went off to the other room.

Mark asked me if I wanted to go get drunk. I said no. Its a good thing I don't like to drink when I'm depressed or I would be a fucking alcoholic by now. I decided that since I wasn't going to drink, that it didnt matter where we went, so I told him to call JP back and tell him to come with us, to the 18+ club.

A bit of phone tag was played and the end result was that JP had already made plans with another friend of his, who did not want to go out to the club with us. Apparently there was some drama involved in this, and Mark felt guilty because he had told two different people two different things (told me we would do the 21 thing, and then told JP it was ok to come along) So we were just having a big ol' guilt-fest.

Right as we were doing the finishing touches, me on my makeup and he on his hair, the front door busted open (we were the only ones there at this point) and something fell to the ground and shattered. We looked at each other and then Mark said "Who's there?" No one answered. I poked my head out of the bathroom door, and it was JP staning there looking horrifed at the shattered remains of a pottery horse. So he had decided to come after all.

Fast forward to the club. We've been there for 15 minutes, tops. JP is goofing off, kicks his leg way up in the air, something weird happens, and he lands smack on his ass. At first I laughed, but then he started freaking out and couldn't stand. He said he thought he'd broken his knee. This is not a good thing since he is a dancer. So Mark yells at me to go tell someone to call 911. I run up to the front dest, pushing gay dudes out of my way left and right, smacking into a drag queen. The guy at the front gets on his little headset thing and starts talking frantically. When i got back to the dance floor, JP was hobbling off, with help from Mark, but he was putting some weight on the knee. It was obviously not broken. So Mark heads off to tell them to CANCEL the 911 call and tells me to go with JP. When I turned around, JP had dissapeared into the very thick crowd. I walked around for several minutes looking for either him or Mark and finally decided on the stand still approach. I finally spotted Mark and he told me where JP was. So I went out to the back patio area and waited with him while Mark pulled his car around.

We tried to take him to the childrens hospital just down the street, but apparently, children don't need emegency rooms. So we ended up going to a major hospital in Dallas. We got there at about 12:40. The doctor saw him at about 4:30. We left at about 7:00. Yeah.

That was the shortest paragraph in this entry, but spanned the longest time frame. The reason that there isn't more to it is that all we did was SIT THERE FOR OVER 6 HOURS! It was ridiculous. The nursing staff was completely incompetent.

So I got home at almost 8 am, collapsed into bed and slept til 4:30 in the afternoon. I'm never gonna be able to get back on any semblance of a normal sleeping pattern.

I have to stop typing now.

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