TOO MUCH to think about

I suddenly have a LOT to think about. As if I didn't have enough already.

Things to know: Adam moved here to move in with his mom because she has a disease that affects her ability to function. I won't go too far into or say the name of the disease because I don't want people finding this on google by searching for info on the disease. It's the one that a famous male talk show host has.

She has since gotten the disease more under control with drugs and such. She is able to drive, work, etc, but really should not live alone.

Adam's sister has since started living there also, (and now the baby, of course) so Adam could have moved out, but he was sort of stuck. No credit and crappy jobs. Partially his own fault, of course, as all these predicaments are.

Anyhow, here's a chat from tonight.

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ME (12:11:03 AM): hey, are you there?

ADAM (12:11:09 AM): yes

ADAM (12:11:24 AM): no ones on so i wasnt lookin at the screen

ME (12:11:29 AM): oh ok

ADAM (12:11:31 AM): im watchin a relly cool nature show

ME (12:11:36 AM): cool

ADAM (12:11:41 AM): how are you?

ME (12:11:45 AM): eh

ADAM (12:11:51 AM): eh?

ADAM (12:11:55 AM): whats up?

ME (12:11:59 AM): i just talked to mark

ADAM (12:12:08 AM): ah

ADAM (12:12:13 AM): whatd he say/

ME (12:12:29 AM): we were supposed to hang out tomorrow, just the 2 of us, he told me this early last week

ME (12:12:58 AM): then he called tonight to say that he and j*** never finished choreograping several songs they have to perform on sunday

ADAM (12:13:12 AM): oh that sucks

ME (12:13:22 AM): so i could go with him to do that, but then after that, he's gone til monday

ADAM (12:13:32 AM): where?

ME (12:13:39 AM): to the competition

ME (12:13:55 AM): and last weekend we didnt hang out because it was their 1 year anniversary

ME (12:14:08 AM): i mean, i understand both of these things

ADAM (12:14:12 AM): ah

ME (12:14:25 AM): he didnt plan on them being at these times

ME (12:14:43 AM): its just a bad time because there are only so many days left until he leaves, you know?

ADAM (12:14:51 AM): yeah

ADAM (12:15:03 AM): im sorry sweetie

ADAM (12:15:07 AM): i love you

ME (12:15:11 AM): i love you

ME (12:15:43 AM): its almost to the point where i dont WANT to see him or talk to him because its the only time when i cant help but think about it

ADAM (12:16:01 AM): yeah, i know how that is

ADAM (12:17:42 AM): ive moved so many times and left behind so many friends. its really rough

ME (12:18:38 AM): maybe im just being selfish but i think its worse for me than it is for him. i know he isnt HAPPY about leaving his friends, but he is doing something exciting, he has something to look forward to

ME (12:18:49 AM): i dont

ADAM (12:18:57 AM): yeah, you have a point

ME (12:19:26 AM): all i have is my boring pathetic little life, which will become considerably more boring and pathetic without him around

ADAM (12:19:39 AM):

ADAM (12:19:42 AM): im sorry

ADAM (12:19:57 AM): my life is pretty boring and pathetic too

ME (12:20:18 AM): at least you get to see people and spend time with people on a pretty much daily basis

ADAM (12:20:40 AM): at least you and i can be boring and pathetic together

ME (12:21:08 AM): i guess

ADAM (12:21:48 AM): so now that marks leaving, may i have the honor of being your new practice driving buddy?

ME (12:22:09 AM): i really, really cant process anything like that right now

ME (12:22:14 AM): im sorry

ADAM (12:22:24 AM): its ok

ADAM (12:23:11 AM): im just tryin to let you know that im willing to help you any way i can

ME (12:23:17 AM): i know

ME (12:23:19 AM): i love you

ME (12:23:24 AM): what are you doing tomorrow?

ADAM (12:23:25 AM): i love you too

ADAM (12:23:37 AM): something

ADAM (12:23:39 AM): ummm

ADAM (12:23:56 AM): im pretty sure i told either aimee or mom i was gonna do something

ADAM (12:24:04 AM): maybe not since i cant remember what

ME (12:24:12 AM): ok...

ADAM (12:24:17 AM): why?

ADAM (12:24:21 AM): whats up?

ME (12:24:43 AM): i just need to do SOMEthing tomorrow to keep my mind off of what i should be doing

ADAM (12:25:27 AM): well...

ADAM (12:25:32 AM): tell ya what ill do

ADAM (12:26:39 AM):ill come see ya

ADAM (12:26:43 AM): hows that?

ADAM (12:29:46 AM): i love you

ME (12:29:58 AM): i love you

ME (12:32:35 AM): my moms probably gonna cancel our cell phones

ADAM (12:32:43 AM): why?

ME (12:32:55 AM): she cant afford hers anymore

ME (12:33:00 AM): and mine is on her plan

ADAM (12:33:03 AM): ah

ADAM (12:33:47 AM): youll figure somethin out

ADAM (12:33:52 AM): youre smart

ME (12:34:06 AM): ill probably ask my aunt to put me on her plan

ADAM (12:34:14 AM): see?

ADAM (12:34:20 AM): looks like ya already have

ME (12:34:44 AM): if my mom would get a real fucking job she would be able to afford it. not that im one to talk about not having a job, but SHE has a car AND the experience to get a job making 3-4 thousand a month

ADAM (12:35:04 AM): you could get a car

ME (12:35:19 AM): i cant even drive a fucking car

ADAM (12:35:37 AM): you drove one with mark didnt ya?

ME (12:35:40 AM): please lets not get into it

ADAM (12:35:45 AM): ok

ME (12:35:48 AM): i cant handle it right now

ADAM (12:35:53 AM): im just trying to make ya feel better

ADAM (12:36:00 AM): im not trying to get into it

ME (12:36:01 AM): i know you are sweetie

ME (12:36:07 AM): im not mad

ADAM (12:37:47 AM): mom says i have to move out soon

ME (12:38:02 AM): what? seriously?

ME (12:38:03 AM): why?

ADAM (12:38:04 AM): are you still of the mindset that you wont move in with me till you get a car?

ADAM (12:38:08 AM): dunno

ADAM (12:38:13 AM): dont care why

ME (12:38:29 AM): when did she say this?

ADAM (12:38:36 AM): last night

ME (12:39:15 AM): was she mad?

ADAM (12:39:18 AM): no

ME (12:39:43 AM): you were just sitting around and all of a sudden she said "you have to move out?"

ADAM (12:39:48 AM): yup

ME (12:39:59 AM): there was no other discussion about it?

ADAM (12:40:07 AM): nope

ME (12:40:12 AM): ok...

ADAM (12:41:04 AM): so back to my question...

ADAM (12:41:08 AM): are you?

ME (12:41:26 AM): im still trying to process the fact that your mom told you to move out

ME (12:41:35 AM): this is a lot to think about

ADAM (12:42:08 AM): yeah

ME (12:42:30 AM): i just dont see how i COULD move in with you without a car

ME (12:42:35 AM): how would i help pay the bills?

ADAM (12:42:52 AM): around here, theres alot more jobs closeby

ME (12:43:54 AM): yeah... maybe we could live downtown, or on the busline

ADAM (12:44:05 AM): i mean around here

ADAM (12:44:12 AM): this side of town

ADAM (12:44:15 AM): near charlotte

ME (12:44:24 AM): why?

ADAM (12:44:32 AM): plus apartments are pretty cheap

ADAM (12:44:39 AM): cause my job is nearby

ADAM (12:44:43 AM): my neice is nearby

ADAM (12:44:56 AM): and apartments are cheap but not ghetto

ME (12:45:37 AM): your job is nearby yeah, but you dont make enough at that job to get an apartment

ME (12:45:47 AM): youd have to get a new job before we could get a place

ADAM (12:46:31 AM): im just asking would you be willing? or are you still of the mindset that you wont do it without a car?

ME (12:46:49 AM): im not ruling it out

ADAM (12:46:54 AM): sweet

ME (12:47:17 AM): but even if i magically got a car tomorrow, im not sure that i would be ready

ME (12:47:26 AM): there was a time i would have been, but i dont know now

ADAM (12:47:32 AM): not ready to live with me?

ME (12:47:38 AM): yeah

ADAM (12:47:43 AM): im sorry

ADAM (12:47:45 AM): :-(

ADAM (12:47:57 AM): i dont blame you

ME (12:48:29 AM): how soon are we talking?

ADAM (12:48:51 AM): dunno

ME (12:49:37 AM): well i know you dont need an answer right this second, but my preliminary answer is going to have to be no. dont plan on me moving in with you right away. maybe later after you have a place

ADAM (12:50:07 AM): ok

ADAM (12:50:08 AM): hey

ADAM (12:50:16 AM): im gonna go take a shower and lay down

ADAM (12:50:25 AM): ill call ya before i go to sleep ok?

ME (12:50:33 AM): ok

ADAM (12:50:37 AM): bye

ME (12:50:41 AM): bye

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Of course, I can think of nothing else.

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