Now.

I absolutely cannot stop my mind from racing forward, sideways and upside down with thoughts of the last 48 hours.

There have been flowers and tears and I mean TEARS, the kind that not only fall down your cheeks, but also straight down out of your eyes if you look down. The kind that leave my contact lenses foggy several hours after. Am I the only one that happens to?

More than anything, there have been questions. In my head. That will not stop coming.

If Adam goes away again this summer, for any length of time... What am I going to do? And what does it say about me that I have become dependent on him to the point where it scares me to be without him? And what does it say about me that I've come to place this perverse connection between sex and acceptance and balance and peacefulness and perfection in the relationship.

And what does it say about him that he doesn't see that I'm not always asking for an orgasm. I just want to feel close to the time at hand when all I can feel is everything else slipping so far away.

Sex is here. Now.

Now.

PS- There is nothing shallow in wanting what you give. Nor is there selfishness in realizing that small problems are symptoms, not causes.

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