walking contradiction

I'm not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing that the number one problem in our relationship is money. On one hand, I've always thought it was ridiculous to let something like money ruin a relationship, but on the other hand, if that's the only thing going wrong, then I think we've got it pretty good.

Really, what bothers me that most is that I feel like he just doesn't care about our future. But even that I know is not true. He probably feels the same way about me and driving sometimes. The way I've felt lately, I just want to move in with him now. As soon as possible.

But then again, I don't want to look up and still be here in five years.

I guess what it REALLY comes down to (how often do I say that?) is that I feel that no matter what decision I make, it will prove to be the wrong one. And at the same time, I'm terrified of things being out of my hands.

I'm a walking contradiction.

On to other things...

Cold Mountain is one hell of a depressing movie. So is Cast Away. And Moulin Rouge. Why do I watch these things?

Here's something annoying... I joined an online dvd rental service (pretty much the same concept as "n3t flicks," but they offer adult dvd's as well. Not a huge variety, but some of them looked like they might be fun to watch with Adam. Anyhow, I've been renting old episodes of Sex and the City like crazy, and a few other movies, and I haven't gotten around to the porn so far, and NOW, I don't think I will.

My MOM has decided that it is A-OK for her to open up each and every dvd that I recieve to "see if it's something I want to watch."

Now... I honestly can't say if this would bother me if there were not a chance in hell that it would be porn. Actually, it probably WOULDN'T bother me. I hoped that after she watched the first few episodes of Six Feet Under, and freaked out of the sexual content, that MAYBE she would avoid my dvd's. But no. I hoped that after I got so far ahead of her watching Sex and the City that she couldn't possibly catch up (based on how fast I send them back to get the new ones) that she would STOP LOOKING AT MY DVD'S!! But no.

Now what I'm hoping for is that she WILL open one that she wants to watch, and will forget it in the DVD player in her room so that I can blow up on her about it and insist that she has to wait for me to open them first.

Adam seems to think that a simple, calm, rational "please stop opening my mail" will suffice... Oh, if only.

Damnit! I wanted to rent some porn.

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