my only idea

There is this very strong part of me that thinks that I should tell Adam that he should move back to FL. He's miserable here. I have no doubt that he loves me, but I don't make him happy anymore. And I don't know how. He used to tell me almost every day that I was the best thing in his life and that I made him happier than he'd ever been, but I haven't heard that kind of talk in... I honestly have no idea how long. Too long.

It's not even a "poor me, I'm not good enough" kind of feeling. It's more of a feeling of being resigned to reality. Goddamnit, I love that boy. And I need him, probably too much. It's probably not healthy, but what can I do? I have this uneasy feeling about things, I can't quite pin it down in one or two words. It's a feeling of desperation. I really, really need to see him tomorrow. I need to tell him... That I will not hate him if he leaves. That I will still love him and be waiting for the day when maybe our lives won't be so complicated. But if that never happens...

It's impossible for me to not feel 100% responsible for his sadness. And this is absolutely the only thing that I have been able to think of that I can do that even has a chance of making him happier. To leave me. Here. Alone.

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